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| How Many Shopping Days 'til Christmas |
| | While kids can’t wait for Christmas, parents often dread the upcoming festive season. How on earth will they find the money for all those presents, and how do they teach children that everything on the list won’t necessarily be under the tree come Christmas morning?
Choosing the right present can be tough. Everyone wants to get something that will be played with all summer, not just the two minutes after ripping the wrapping paper. But you also don’t want to give them just what they’ve asked for. It takes away the surprise on Christmas morning.
One educational toy store staff member, says if you want toys that will keep children’s interest longest, it’s best to stay away from the latest trends and go for more traditional toys instead. “There are the doll prams, the dolls house and doll house furniture as well as marble labyrinths and good quality games. Figurines are also good, they can have hours of fun with those."
Rosalie Pattenden, senior counselor with Relationships Australia, says one of the biggest traps in buying Christmas presents for children is trying to "keep up with the Jones". "While we may want our children to have what everyone else’s children has, we should resist spending more or buying presents that we wouldn’t otherwise buy just so our children won’t be deprived," she says. "Of course, it’s all very understandable – every parent wants the best for their child. But you have to choose gifts for the individual child according to your budget and values."
Pattenden says another trap is giving in to feelings of guilt. ‘You see guilt-induced buying, especially when Mum is working hard, trying to pay the mortgage and so on. And you see it especially with a second or third child,’ she says. ‘We get tempted to give children material goods to make up for the lack of physical time spent with them. But truly, particularly with primary school-aged children, they want to simply do things with their parents,’ Pattenden says. So even if the child is demanding the latest Playstation game or X-Box, it may not be the real top of their wish list.
When parents have separated, Christmas can be a hard time for everyone, but Pattenden says this is the time that parents must put their children’s needs ahead of their own. ‘If parents are separated it’s particularly important that they don’t try to outdo each other in gift giving. If each parent is trying to compete with the other, the child gets unfairly caught in the middle,’ she says. While most parents are reasonably clear in their own minds about buying presents for their children, it’s the thought of the extended family and the associated gift giving frenzy that complicates life.
And at what age do you stop? Is it when your formerly cute little nephews and nieces hit their twenties – should you continue to buy when they are single and probably earning more than you are? Some families just give to children until they leave school; some limit the amount to $10 or under, and others organise a Kris Kringle, where all the names are put in a hat and you buy only for the person whose name you pull out. But then there’s the worry that if you tinker too much with the gift giving rituals, you might be in danger of losing the Christmas spirit.
‘Oh, I couldn’t stand going in to one of the Kris Kringle things. That would spoil it all for me. I really adore finding that certain something for all the people I love. You think about them while you’re shopping and all that. It’s all part of the joy of giving,’ said Jane. But Jane has a small extended family. Lisa is one of four children and her husband one of three. ‘I was worried when I first suggested the Kris Kringle thing that everyone would think I was some sort of Christmas scrooge. But they all loved the idea,’ she says. ‘We put all the names in a hat and pull out a name and buy just for them, spending around $50 on them, so you can get a really nice gift.’
Sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. All families, if they were honest, would admit that some are less skilled at gift buying than others. The issuing of the yearly draw may become a lottery, depending on who’s buying for whom. Susan’s still chortling about the time she received one of those figurines of a crouching wine-waiter bottle holder (sans the bottle!), and then there was the time when her husband received a brand-name nylon cooler pack which had obviously been a freebie giveaway.
Helen’s family has dropped the gift giving between adults completely. ‘Look, it was just getting all too much. And I was so tired of seeing everyone open presents that they were never going to use and probably didn’t like anyway,
she says. ‘We’re all working and we buy ourselves whatever we want. It’s not like I’m hanging out for a $20 candle or bath soap. We still buy little things for the smaller nieces and nephews, but that’s it. It doesn’t spoil Christmas; Christmas is about getting together and enjoying each other’s company when you’re an adult; it’s not about getting presents anymore.’
Sacking Santa‘Is Santa real, Mum? Jack says he doesn’t exist.’ It’s the question we all dread, but it’s the question we’re all going to get eventually.
So when exactly is the right time for a child to learn the truth? ‘Usually they just accept it when they are ready to accept it,’ says Rosalie Pattenden of Relationships Australia. ‘They’ve probably heard it lots of times before but suddenly their minds are ready now to accept it. And, while it’s sad for us, it’s part of growing up.’
But between hearing the truth and accepting the truth is usually a few years of not wanting to ask too many questions. ‘We all want to keep the magic, and it’s the same with children,’ Pattenden says. And it’s also important that older children learn to keep the magic alive for their younger siblings. ‘We’ve always told the older children that if you don’t believe, you don’t receive and that keeps them pretending for the younger children,’ says Fiona.
‘They know there’s no such person but they also know that it’s part of the fun of Christmas so they don’t ask any questions, they just go along with it. ‘I’ll be really sad when the youngest finally learns the truth. I worry that it will take all the magic out of the day. But with our ‘rule’ I’m sure they’ll say they still believe well into their 20s!’
This article was originally written by Sally Morrell and first appeared in Australian Family, Spring 2004. (Parts of this article not affecting the overall content or intention have been edited by Peanut Gallery staff).
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